IN BREAKING TURBULENT TIMES
Leaning into our shadows in order to heal can feel turbulent. The seas of my life today, in this moment, are wildly quarrelsome, deep and chaotic, dark and mysterious. I make the wish I can take back my secret prayers and calls for change. I desperately cling to the thought that I can quickly just put back the pieces I once had, for in this moment they feel more comfortable than what is here right now. Transformation has that inescapable feeling of breaking, yet knowing full well you cannot go back.
My mentor told me recently that in the midst of midlife and calls for change, the Universe has the tendency to boldly place her hands upon your shoulders, draw you close, and whisper in your ear, ‘I am not screwing around anymore. It’s time.... it’s really time. All of this pretending and performing, the armouring, guises and disguises, have all got to go. Time is growing short dear one. Change is afoot. You were born with courage coursing through your veins’.
Learning to hold ourselves in these times – these precious, achingly painful, turbulent, breaking human times – is our practice. It’s what awaits us before revealing itself at its most brilliant.
I remind myself that the deepest part of my soul has been longing for this change – to dance with a new reality. And yet, patience is now required.
But I am not so patient in this moment.
I want to force and cajole and coax my new and expanded reality into existence. And quickly. And now.
The eminent writer Virginia Woolf gives herself advice on this matter in her diary: ‘take each scene quietly’, she reminds herself (and us).
So, with breath as my companion, and surrender and patience as my practice, I begin to feel into the places I fear, allowing the breaking in, and let change spill into me, with no force needed.
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